I often lie in bed at night, or in the wee hours of the morning, when I can’t sleep…’blogging’ in my head. I am up numerous times a night right now and sometimes I just have a hard time getting back to sleep, so then my mind begins to churn and I will worry about things. About the birth mostly. I worry that the baby will not be healthy, that we won’t get to the hospital in time to have the very strongly recommended c-section, that the baby is not actually as big as they say and that the c-section is not really necessary, that she is actually as big as they say and that there will still be complications because of it…worry…about things that truly are not within my control. So, I blog. It helps me to get my thoughts out. I think more clearly when I am writing…I can explain my self WAY better on paper (or cyber-paper) than in real life.
Some phrases, or sayings, have been coming to mind this morning……
“Do or die”
“The proof is in the pudding”
“Put your money where your mouth is”
This is what I must do. I need to go back to the beginning…to what I actually believe….and put it into practice. Do I truly believe that God is in control….do I trust Him? Am I going live in peace with His way or am I going to continue to struggle with His plan? When the doctors first began talking about a c-section early on, I had one prayer…..that God would make it painfully obvious, if I should go with that plan, that it was absolutely necessary. I did not want to make such a big decision out of convenience for me or because of fear (either mine or the doctors’). I think at this point He has done that….it does seem to be necessary. Now, I need to just trust.
I recently heard a radio personality on a local station say something that has been sticking in my head. He said something along the lines of, “Being a christian is not really about what you say, it is about what you DO.” Now, that could be misconstrued as him saying that deeds are the important thing and if you just do enough then you’re a real Christian. However, that is not what he meant. He was talking about “putting your money where your mouth is“. He was saying “the proof is in the pudding”, that our testimony and the true test of what we believe as Christians, and really just as people in general, comes when we must put what we say we believe into action. It’s time for me to do that. I have been saying that I believe God gave us this baby (He did), that He will get us through this birth (He will), and that I trust Him (I do). Now, I need to stop talking and worrying and just DO.
When I chose a name for this blog, I did so with the thought that I wanted to convey my belief that God is the ultimate designer and that no matter how things may look to us, He has the most wonderful, perfectly designed plan. Will I trust Him?